How can I be amicable during separation? | Davis Blank Furniss

How can I be amicable during separation?

Divorce or separation is thought to be one of the most stressful events in life, and this is true for a lot of people. This is because there is so much to consider, and with emotions high and a lot to discuss, divorce can be emotionally painful and mentally exhausting.

However, there are ways to have an amicable separation. This can make the situation easier for all involved – including children. Davis Blank Furniss Solicitors will be sharing our advice on how to have a civil divorce.

Why an amicable divorce is best for all involved

No matter the reason for the separation, it is possible and encouraged to have a civil separation, especially when children are involved. Having a harmonious uncoupling can make decision making smoother, the possibility of a future friendship and make untangling years of the relationship less emotional.

Understand what you have before dividing assets

Knowing what you have is the first step to being able to fairly split assets and finances and work towards an agreed settlement. Davis Blank Furniss Solicitors recommends making a list of all the assets, finances and commitments you both share.

You can do this yourself or with your partner, or you can get in touch with our Family Law team and speak with one of our divorce experts who will give you clear guidance on how to work through this process.

When it comes to splitting assets, we always advise you to aim for a middle ground and split things 50/50 where appropriate.

Should you and your partner not be able to come to an agreement on the assets and how to split them, the court will request that you fill in a form called a Form E.

Create a timeframe for divorce

When wanting to separate amicably, creating a timeframe is a useful tool that gives both parties time and space to reach the same emotional space and deal with this huge change. This means your partner isn’t feeling rushed which can lead to a lot of resistance.

Having a timeframe also allows the divorce to happen in a timely manner which is beneficial for both you and your husband or wife. This will also help control the costs of divorce.

If you find there is a lot of resistance on your behalf or your partners, counselling and mediation are good options until you have both reached the same emotional understanding and acceptance.

Avoid acting on emotion

The breakdown of a relationship and marriage is a highly emotional situation that often affects children and other family members involved. These emotional states often lead to the inability to think rationally and make decisions that are positive moving forward.

It’s a good idea to consider seeking professional help such as a counsellor early on in the separation process. A counsellor that specialises in relationship breakdowns and divorce will be able to help you through the emotional struggling during the process.

Where children are involved, do not use them against your partner or as an asset. Make sure to remind them they are loved by both parents and this is not their fault. Consider counselling for the child to help them work through their own emotional trauma from this experience.

Consider using a mediator

Mediator for divorce

Writing can be through letters or email – avoid texting as this can cau se a lot of tension and frustration. Email and letter are recommended as it’s a slower form of communication that allows the writer and recipient to formulate their words as they are intended to be received.

When communication is difficult with your partner for whatever reason, we recommend using a mediator to help keep stress manageable and arguments at a minimum. If using a mediator isn’t possible, we recommend writing rather than speaking.


Focus on your brighter future

Divorce and separation are never easy, even when both parties know it’s for the best. When times get tough, remember you have a bright future ahead and this is what this you are working towards.

Davis Blank Furniss Solicitors can help you with your divorce procedures, financial settlements and other Family Law matters. Get in touch with our team for advice and support.

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